Missed something on the show today? Here are some of the best bits from the show...all in one place!

Nard’s new bottomless business.

Trout balls are a cure.

Fast food can kill ya...and more!

What’s Happening:

#5 ‘I was poor as hell — now I make thousands as a topless maid but it’s dangerous’

Nard’s Bottomless Cleaning...with his little balls. - Derek

#4 Rejected personalized license plates in New York state

My grandpa used to tell me mom, she’s such a whore, she should put her number on the license plate - Derek

#3 Denver man injured in port-a-potty prank

I saw the portable potty and then I go to pee-pee - Billy

#2 Church-goers disturbed by ‘loud moaning’ from next-door massage parlour ‘brothel’

They’re just doing their church service, and then they hear moanin’ and groanin’ - Billy

#1 Prostitute who stole memory card from date found gruesome footage that’s now key in a double murder trial

I think she helped solve a double murder. All because she was a prostitute. - Billy

Big Ass World News:

#5 Apple’s Vision Pro buyers upset to discover that VR porn doesn’t work: ‘$3,500 chastity belt’

I just want to be Iron Man...that’s all I want - Billy

#4 59% of women share this sexual fantasy — but what does it really mean?

I can’t even get (my wife) to be nice to another woman - Derek

#3 Trout gonads can cure baldness when injected into head, according to scientists

Yeah...you can put some trout balls on my head - Chris

#2 A man called the police and threw his wife out of their home after discovering she’d secretly taken £23k from their joint account to see Taylor Swift in concert

Charge her! - Nard

#1 Millennials Are Avoiding Having Kids Because Many Boomer Grandparents Won’t Watch Their Grandchildren For Free

The grandparents of today are waaaaay lazier than the grandparents of yesterday! - Derek

Top 5 Buttheads:

#5 Teacher ‘locks boy, 11, in class and strokes his privates as he fondles her boobs’

He’s like Kim Jung Uwl - Nard

#4 Florida man allegedly chucks chocolate egg at Circle K employee before hopping over counter to attack him

You get a big fountain drink, and out the door you accidently drop it - Derek

#3 Anesthetist strangled partner with dressing gown and dumped body with bag over face

That’s a bad butthead!! - Derek

#2 13-year-old accused of killing grandpa on Denver bus because his leg blocked aisle: ‘Nobody was there with him during his last breath’

You’d think they’d all be high and chill - Derek

#1 Man beats roommate to death over Taco Bell

He Was 72!!!! - Derek