Holy Maynard! Could it be true? TOOL, who MetalSucks so appropriately called "the past, present and future best band on the planet," are writing material for a new record, working three days a week on new tunes while frontman Maynard James Keenan continues touring the U.S. with his side-project, Puscifer. The band spilled the boner-inducing news in its latest online newsletter. The idea of a new Tool LP lends those rumors of a possible tour with Faith No More some extra credence.

"Members of the band are still in the process of writing new material and with the latest leg of the Puscifer tour nearing completion, it shouldn't be long before the dry-erase board is filled with a bewildering array of color-coded intros, progressions, agitatos, con sordinos, crescendos, diatonics, inversions, resolutions, transitions, variations, obbligatos, consonance, and endings -- the arrangements that millions will attempt to download off the Internet," Tool's newsletter reads.

The band explains its process: "Fast for three days and refrain from listening to any (Tool) music. Commence standard banishings. Prepare a talisman in lilac satin with figures embroidered in grey silk. Additionally, a metal lamen (or ring) should be graven with the astrological talismans of Aldebaran (yad al jawza), Rigel and Betelgeuse, and placed in a fortified Goetic circle. Begin by delivering a valedictory address to the setting sun. After butchering a cockerel and sprinkling its blood over an orange candle, begin the mysterious orisons."

We have no idea what they're talking about, but it will no doubt be amazing. The newsletter hints at a possible tour in the summer of 2010, which, seemingly, will touch both coasts, and there are also instructions for "(Tool) [to] open for Pink Floyd at the Royal Albert Hall, or for Rush somewhere (Neuschwabenland?), or with King Crimson at Madison Square Garden, or to perform with Muse on a rooftop in Teignmouth, Devon." Other instructions hint at a possible DVD release, too. -noisecreep.com